Sculpt Your Blockbuster Face with an Epic Beard
Hey there, handsome cube! Guess what? That square face of yours isn’t just great for looking stoic in photos (though it totally is), it’s also the perfect foundation for some seriously sharp beard action. If you’ve got a face chiseled like a Greek statue, congratulations! You’ve won the facial geometry lottery, my friend. Now, let’s see how we can take that already-striking mug from “nice” to “holy smokes, is that Superman’s cousin?!”
What’s the Square Deal?
Before we dive into the bearded brilliance, let’s make sure you’re in the square squad. It’s simple - if you’ve ever been told you could be an action movie star (even by your grandma), chances are you’re rocking a square face!
- Forehead, cheekbones, and jawline roughly the same width (like a perfect Minecraft block)
- Strong, angular jawline (could cut glass with that thing!)
- Face length and width about equal (symmetry for the win!)
- Pronounced chin (perfect for thoughtful beard-stroking)
The awesome thing about square faces? You’ve got a strong foundation for some epic beard styles. It’s like starting a game with cheat codes - you’re already ahead!
Beard Styles That Are Absolutely Dominating in 2023 for Square Faces
1. The Rounded Full Beard
The rounded full beard is your “I’m a lumberjack, but I do yoga” look. It softens your angular features while still screaming masculinity.
How to nail it:
- Grow it out, big guy!
- Keep the sides fuller and rounded
- Trim the bottom into a gentle curve
- Embrace your inner gentle giant (man bun optional)
2. The Corporate Beard
For the guy who wants to look like he could close a million-dollar deal and then go climbing. It’s the “I mean business, but I’ve got a wild side” beard.
Style tips:
- Keep it short and neat (about 10mm)
- Maintain clean, defined lines
- Fade the sideburns into the beard
- Rock it with a suit (or a parachute, your call)
3. The Van Dyke
Named after the 17th-century painter, this is the beard that says, “I could paint the Mona Lisa, but I’d rather paint the town red.”
How to grow it:
- Grow a goatee and mustache
- Keep them disconnected for that artistic flair
- Shave the cheeks clean
- Trim and shape regularly (it’s art, darling)
4. The Ducktail
The ducktail is what happens when you want to look sophisticated but can’t give up your rebellious side. It’s perfect for the square-faced guy who’s equal parts boardroom and barroom.
Steps to achieve:
- Grow a full beard (patience, young Padawan)
- Keep the cheeks shorter and well-groomed
- Let the chin grow longer and fuller
- Shape the bottom into a subtle point (duck-like, get it?)
5. The Garibaldi
Named after an Italian general, the Garibaldi is for the guy who wants to look like he could lead an army or a rock band. It’s bold, it’s big, and it’s beautiful.
How to pull it off:
- Grow your beard for 3-4 months (no trimming allowed!)
- Let it get big and bushy (embrace the volume)
- Keep the bottom rounded (we’re going for “magnificent” not “wizard”)
- Brush it daily (treat it like the glorious mane it is)
Pro Tips for Square Faces
You may have won the facial lottery, but here are some tips to keep your beard game championship-level:
- Go for curves: Soften those angles with rounded beard shapes.
- Length is your friend: A longer beard can elongate your face.
- Mind the neck: Keep that neckline clean and defined.
- Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate: A well-moisturized beard is a happy beard.
- Be patient: Great beards, like Rome, aren’t built in a day.
Conclusion: Your Face, Your Fortress
Remember, gents, while these styles are perfect for square faces, the best beard is the one that makes you feel like you could star in your own action movie (or at least be The Rock’s stunt double).
Don’t be afraid to experiment! Remember when you tried to give yourself an undercut during quarantine? Well, beard styling is way more forgiving and way less likely to end in tears.
Whether you go for a subtle corporate beard or a full-on Garibaldi, your facial hair is the exclamation point on your square-jawed awesomeness. Wear it with pride, as if you’ve just been voted “Most Likely to Make People Swoon with Just a Clench of the Jaw” at your high school reunion!
Alright, time to put down that razor and let your face fortress grow. Ready, set, square up!
